P[e]NORAMA

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We Filipinos tend to ‘make tiis’ of bad situations. There is not enough food on the table? Magtiis. The bed is hard? Magtiis. The job is low paying? Magtiis.  The rented room is too small and doesn’t have a comfort room? Magtiis. Better that, than nothing at all.

In bad times, being able to make do with little and put up with bad situations can be a positive trait. It enables us to withstand difficulties. It allows us to be resilient when we go through rough situations. But while being able to make do with what we have and with our difficult situations help us to survive harsh life and catastrophes, if taken to the extreme, it will also stop us from striving to make things better.

The way I see it, an adverbial particle — muna — must always go with the verb magtiis. With ‘muna,’ we are making a promise to our self that the unpleasant situation we are in is only temporary and that we will do what we can to get out of it. And soon. Until then, we have to learn to ‘make tiis.’ Magtiis while we don’t have resources to avail of something better. Magtiis until we get out of poverty. Isn’t there a Filipino saying: “Habang maiksi ang kumot, matutong mamamaluktot (While the blanket is short, learn to curl for you to fit in it)”?

Copyright Sherma E Benosa 2011
[Extracted from a longer piece scheduled for publication]

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In caring for pets, I have allowed a new kind of fear into my system: “What happens when it’s time for the kittens to go? Can I take the pain? Can I even make the decision to euthanize them when the time comes?”

These are the same thoughts that sometimes keep me awake at night, when I am most vulnerable, when fear somehow manages creep in to torment me: “What happens when the time for me to lose members of my family and close friends to death? Will I be able to withstand the pain?”

These are the kinds of thought that make me want to travel to my folks, and hug them and just wanna be with them. These are the very same thoughts that sometimes make me wish to still the moment, to make the present stay as it is. For though the present does not hold the fruition of my dreams, it has all the things I hold dear — family, friends, dreams, hopes, my pets. With the people and pets I love — alive and breathing — the here and now may well be perfect.

But just as soon, a voice reminds me to have faith in Him, to understand and accept that death is a part of life. That, without death, there may also be no life.

With that thought, I extinguish fear and I begin to breathe freely again. What will be, will be. Just enjoy the present. For all I know, I may well be the first to go.

Indeed, when we love, we make ourselves vulnerable to heartaches and pain. In caring for people and pets so much, we offer our hearts to be broken. And while our pets and the people we love might never want to break us, they will. Sometimes, simply by breathing their last.

Many times, I tell myself not to care so much to avoid pain. But that would be like killing myself to avoid dying.

So I guess I should simply live in the moment. Hug my pets and enjoy their company. Love my folks and friends, and share life with them. And to the rest of humanity — share a smile, some good deeds, and bits of myself.

Who knows, perhaps in doing what I ought to do, the inevitables will not scare me so.

//Sherma E. Benosa
September 28, 2011; 11:25am

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“Be the change you want to see in the world.” —Mahatma Gandhi.

I believe that the only way we can improve the world we live in is by changing first the things that are close to us — that means, first and foremost, ourselves.

While I endeavor to do my share in my community, I am also busy trying to change myself and become a better person.

’Project Me’ is a series of long-term (hopefully lifetime) and short-term personal development endeavors that I will go through in the hope of improving myself and creating a better me. In this project, I will analyze my weak points and create a program that I will challenge myself to adhere to, until this program/behavior forms part of my habits.

Some of these endeavors, I may choose to write about, while others, I will keep to myself.

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Background

During the past five years, I have been doing some personal personality enhancement efforts to create a better me. These efforts have been:

1) writing in Ilocano [2007-2008]

2) learning and loving to cook and becoming more physically active [2009-2010]

3) shifting my circadian rhythm [from 4am to 2pm sleep time to 11pm to 5am sleep time) [2010-present].

This is, however, the first time that I will be naming the project.

First ‘Project Me’ Endeavor: Time and Me

“The challenge is not to manage time, but to manage ourselves.” —Stephen Covey

So yes, my goal for now is to manage myself vis-a-vis time. In particular, I am challenging myself to arrive at least five minutes early in every appointment, including my classes to show that I respect other people’s time. I am a perennial late comer, sometimes to the point that I get stressed out when there’s traffic. I think it’s about time I gotta change that. [Exception: GUMIL meetings.] The challenge commences tomorrow, September 12.

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She shrieks at me again

This silence with a hoarse voice.
I close my ears to her ramblings

But she pries open my soul

Her tongue sharp

She cuts me to pieces

Wounding me like she has wounded me

Many times before.

 

I try to kill her — my tormentor.

But she just laughs, mocking me

Killing me like she has

Killed me many times before.

 

Again she shows me

They ring the loudest

The words that lurk underneath

The voices we forbid to speak.

 

//Sherma E. Benosa; 14 August 2011; 8:41am
aka Brainteaser = Penteaser

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Potential and opportunity are two of my favorite power words. They both lead to coming into being, to advancement and improvement. They both require action. To be truly meaningful, opportunity must be seized; and potential, honed and realized. Like dreams and ideas, their best is not their present state, but what they become after they have been acted upon.

//Sherma E. Benosa; 02 June 2011; 10:35pm
First posted in Facebook

 

 

 

 

What better way to remember the past year, than to review the words that dripped out of my pen? Friends, let me share with you some of my FB shout outs in 2010. Just like in last year’s edition, please let this be my humble way of thanking you for sharing with me your time and friendship. Thank you for the opportunity to appreciate life with you, the friendship.

Xoxo —Sherma E. Benosa

 

 

 

Was finalizing my research questions for my language education study when suddenly, VF blurted out: “Will I ever have a tranquil life with you?” I looked up from my computer screen to consider his question and replied: “Are you suggesting that as a research question?”

//SEB, April 17 at 10:41pm

 

 

[Continuation] Just then, a malicious smile touched my lips. I counter-asked him: “Do you really want a tranquil life, or a life with me?”

//SEB, April 18 at 3:43pm

 

 

Thanks to me, VF’s vocabulary greatly improved during the past four years. Now, he knows the meaning of the following: raket, tsika, eklavu, okray, dyowa, girlalu, nenok, dedma, badinger, whatev, twitams, dabarkad, and the like. He is also updated with the newly-acquired meanings of the following words: ganda, taray, mahaba ang buhok, etc. I listen to him use these words when it suits him and I smile.

//SEB, April 22 at 12:03pm

 

 

I never liked political campaign periods. It’s when trash becomes so fashionable. But then, in our part of the world, kelan ba naman naging hindi?

April 27 at 9:51am

 

 

Our tragedy is not that we are poor. Or that we have corrupt politicians. Our tragedy is that we never learn from our experiences and that we are always attracted by glitter than gold.

[My reaction to Erap winning the second spot in the presidential race]

May 11 at 11:13pm

 

 

I have come to learn — finally — that I have a better chance of beating Time if I travel by its side instead of trying to overtake it (for it’ll never let me) and that I will reach my destination faster if I slow down a little.

//SEB, May 19 at 6:42am

 

 

Between the things I know and the things I don’t know are lessons to learn and opportunities of learning.

//SEB, May 31 at 11:21pm

 

 

Mosses for me are a sign of stagnation, of being in one place too long that one accumulated only the things that came one’s way. If I were a stone, I think I would want to be moss-free, to be rolling whenever I feel like it. I see myself as very rough at the start but would become smoother and smoother as I roll along unpaved highways and swim with or against the flow of life’s rivers.

//SEB, A paragraph in my essay, “The Rolling Stone” first posted in iluko.com then in my personal blogs (http://bilingualpen.com/brainteaser; http://brainteaser.wordpress.com)

Re-posted at FB in July

 

 

The road may be rough, but the view is nice. And every curb holds surprises.

I walk for these surprises and for what may be at the end of the journey, for the people walking with me, and those who I may meet along the way.

My life is a worthwhile journey.

//SEB, August 17 at 12:50pm

 

 

“OR” is such a lovely word. It presents options. But it can also mean limitation, like when it is used where “AND” would be better. Sometimes we see life as “this OR the other,” even in instances when we should take it as “this AND the other(s)” or “some of this AND a little bit of the other(s).”

//SEB, August 27 at 9:28pm

 

 

ONLY WHEN

 

Let’s not walk through this road, forgetting

 

That only when we let trust stay afloat

Will we be able to drown our cloak of doubt.

 

Dreams don’t soar in our sleep;

Only when we are wide awake

Are we able to give them wings.

 

And only when our courage learns to fly

Are we able to crash our fears.

 

Let’s walk through this road, remembering.

 

//SEB; April 1, 2008

 Reposted in FB on August 30 at 5:48am

 

 

The day sky is always blue; and the night sky, sparkling with stars. The skies never turn gray — it’s just the dark, stormy clouds that do.

 

When things seem so dark you can’t see clearly, remember it may just be the clouds hiding the blue sky (or the stars) from your view.

//SEB, September 3 at 6:35am

 

 

I looked back as I was running as fast as I could, expecting to find Time behind me, struggling to keep up, only to learn that he has gone far ahead.

 

I slowed down to a jog, then to a brisk walk, and then to a leisurely one.

 

I looked far ahead, expecting Time to have outrun me for miles. What a surpise it was to find him walking beside me, sometimes, even lagging behind.

 

//SEB, 05 September 2010; 8:20pm

September 5 at 8:20pm

 

 

Life is not a see-saw; you need not bring others down for you to go up.

//SEB; 08 September 2010 08:16pm

 

 

Life is a weighing scale, one that is sometimes (if not often) tipped.

//SEB; 08 September 2010 08:18pm

 

 

‘What if’ is such a sad phrase when applied to the past; it suggests regrets and ‘could-have-beens.’ But it can be a power phrase when applied to the future. It offers endless possibilities and countless options.

//SEB, 06 Sept 2010; 7:12am

 

 

I love flying. It’s the only time when I need not look up to watch the clouds, when I am closest to the heavenly bodies, and the tall mountains are anything but formidable.

It’s just like being in a dream.

And just like dreams, this too has to end. The plane descends and normalcy is restored again.

[SEB; Thoughts while flying back to Manila, 27 Sept 2010]

 

 

I love flying. It’s when I look down to watch the clouds and the tall mountains that I am best reminded how little I am.

 [SEB; Thoughts while flying back to Manila, 27 Sept 2010]

 

 

 

[Please check out last year's edition here. Thank you.]

 

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There are times we need to call for a timeout. But while life may be a game, its rules are different from those of the ordinary games we know.

 

We cannot call a timeout and expect life to stop. It goes on, even if we are severely injured, or too exhausted to play.

 

We pause at our own risk.

 

The good thing is that there are pauses worth taking. These pauses allow us to take a breather and evaluate where we are and decide where we want to go.

 

By all means, pause. Sometimes, it’s the only way to get back to life.

 

(Just don’t pause too long, lest you’d find it very hard to get back in).

 

 

//Sherma E. Benosa

Aka Penteaser/Brainteaser

January 29, 2011 11:04pm

 

 

Inspired by @Darla Frantz’s FB status: “making sure of a slow Saturday here….life moves too fast…and i want a timeout…”